Elective Surgery
Sometimes, I lose myself in the pursuit of big dreams, gigantic goals and forget how important the little ones are. Those little goals, those little dreams are what stoke the fires of the big ones and refresh the search for magnificence.
For decades, I have dreamed of something so monumental that it would take a sky full of angels to descend and surround me in blessings of time, good luck and lots of cash. Well, that’s not going to happen…unless?
So, instead of my big monumental dream, which I will never forsake, and who knows, maybe not a sky full of angels will plummet but one really big one will grace my days with time, good luck and lots of cash but until that day, I have decided to fulfill another dream/goal that has also been with me for decades.
In the beginning (my favorite phrase), I was a genetic pool inherited from my parents, their parents, their parents, on and on. I feel very lucky for some of which I’ve inherited but there are some genes I’d rather not have acquired.
Because of genetics and how I was raised, I had untreated thyroid problems for much of my life. Eventually, I developed Grave’s Disease which led to radiation treatment, hypothyroidism, a few other medical conditions and severe insulin resistance. Now, toss into the mix surgeries during which my abdominal muscles where cut, menopause and my own lack of restraint when it comes to the “tasty stuff”- let’s say my mid-section is rather thick and really was even as a child.
I have a size 1x-2x middle which is supported by a hipless boyish body frame. I didn’t invent the big shirt, but I have a closet full of them and weird fitting pants. Unless I wear “sausage” pants, my pants are always falling down usually when my arms are full of stuff and I’m struggling to pull up my pants.
Now, I’ve had this dream, since forever, that I am walking down a busy tree-lined street, touting a coquettish attitude, soft alluring steps and wearing a pair of blue jeans (that don’t fall down), a flowing sexy V-neck top WITHOUT the big shirt! Then, I’m strolling out of a building, any building will do as long as it is tall and expensive, dressed in a lovely black knit dress without looking 6 months pregnant!
When I’ve shared my dream with others, the response has been: “At your age why do you care?” and “No one cares how anyone looks anymore!”
Of course, good health regardless of outside appearance is most important and one’s own idea of what beauty is should be strived for; yet, it is as truthful to say that regardless of how old I am, I long to free myself from a closet of big shirts!
Not to slight magnificence which is not about outward appearance but inner beauty which is that soft inner warmth which enlightens the soul…. brings a winkle to one’s eye…a gentle hopeful smile when times are dark. But magnificence may not flourish by one who is not comfortable with one’s self.
For me, nothing serves magnificence, goals, dreams or even one’s own aspirations more than inspiration. The kind of inspiration that can change a life.
Some time back, I was addicted to cigarettes. For years, I tried to quit only to only fail. One day, I was walking down a nursing home hallway and came upon a lady sitting in a wheelchair. An oxygen cylinder was attached to the back of her chair. Everything about her smelled of strong, stale cigarette smoke. Her breathing was labored even though she was wearing a large facial oxygen mask.
We exchanged glances. Her soft green eyes teared with regret. Not a word spoken yet I knew she was telling me, “Look at me! Do you want to be in this wheelchair? I had a great life…a great life. Look at me now! I’m going to die!”
It seemed like an eternity that we just stared at one another before she was taken away, not to be seen again. I will never forget her as in her eyes not only did, I see her pain but my future if I had not stopped smoking. She was my inspiration. Even now, she lives in my memories as someone I hope to meet again.
So, what was and is my inspiration to tackle that dream of strolling about in blue jeans and a flowing top WITHOIUT a big shirt…without my pants falling down?
After one of my visits to the doctor, I was exiting the elevator and there SHE was. My inspiration! She stood nine feet tall and dressed in a tight body suit that revealed a firm curved figure. She wasn’t old nor young but somewhere in between. Above her head, the word laser boldly announced her purpose.
She may have been just a free-standing cardboard sign to anyone else but, to me, she was an inspiration as on that particular elevator ride, I was vigorously wrestling with the fact that because of my genetics, surgeries, medical problems, self-destructive behaviors, and so on, my size 1x – 2x middle was not going to magically disappear, even with all the exercising, pills. diets and potions.
Following our encounter and a research of laser treatments, I made an appointment with a nurse practitioner. Initially, I stood on a computerized machine after which I was provided a colorful sheet of graphics.
I was not surprised at the results – out of sight BMI (body mass index) and visceral adipose tissue. In other words, I have a rather enormous middle section. A sensible diet was provided, an exercise, all of which were appreciated but none of which I had not already tried. Yet, good information that will be used.
Later, I dragged out my budget, my promised tax refund and called the clinic for laser treatments. I created another chart/plan to follow pre/post treatments.
Since that day, I have been “over the moon” with excitement just anticipating the treatment results. Of course, the effects of the laser treatments will not last without dieting and exercising. There are no magical cures but there is hard work.
The thought of wearing – a pair of blue jeans (that don’t fall down), a flowing sexy V-neck top WITHOUT the big shirt… a knit dress without looking 6 months pregnant…a lovely one-piece suit to the swimming pool instead of a dark blue union suit…well, am I stoked or what?
One’s own pursuit of magnificence thrives on one’s inner fire. What fuels that fire sometimes can be just wearing a pair of blue jeans WITHOUT the big shirt!
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